The Awakening by Kate Chopin
I have to remind myself that feminism is a more recent concept. The beginning of this book has never made me hate a character faster. In chapter four, we see Mr. Pontellier describe how he views his wife. It is remarkably clear how he expects her to do a lot of emotional labor for her children and be like other mothers. He talks about how the children do not run to her when they get hurt, but they just get up and continue playing. I get angry because your children are just showing that they are growing independent. They are not looking for an adult to fix their problems, but rather, they are learning how to fix them themselves. A lot of people want their children to grow up independent, but Mr. Pontellier makes their growing independence the fault of their mother. It makes me angry when he says,
“Mrs. Pontellier was not a mother-woman. The mother-women seemed to prevail that summer at Grand Isle… They were women who idolized their children, worshiped their husband, and esteemed it a holy privilege to efface themselves as individuals and grow wings as ministering angels” (Page 19).
If you choose to marry someone, then the answer is you choose them as a partner in life. If you wanted someone willing to do everything he described, there is someone out there for him. However, he chose a woman outside of his culture with different ideals and values from his. He wants to be upset that she does not conform to his ideals, but then why didn’t he choose someone from his culture? If you want compatible lifestyles, why choose someone who does not value the same things?
His attitude reminds me of men in today’s culture who say they don’t want to marry a feminist or that they want a traditional wife. Yet, they will be the first people to date an independent woman and try to bring her down. These are the men to say that they want a woman to stay home, but are also not willing to provide enough for her to stay home to cook and clean for them. I linked a video where we can see a man undermine the emotional labor of the woman and completely degrade her into a cleaning service, but she fights him back, saying that she brings value to the relationship besides that. Men like Mr. Pontellier like the idea of an independent woman, but when they actually have one, they realize that they wanted a woman they could mold.
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